The cat put a paw on the glass. Jenny could see her toe-beans, very pink, almost as large as she was. That might have been due to the fact that she was stuck in a jam-jar – but back to the cat. It had ginger fur, with white and black splotch- What? The jar? Yes quite a predicament you see-
“Oh get on with it!” Jenny exclaimed to the top of the jar, seemingly directing her frustration at me. I was just the narrator – all I do is read the story – I don’t know why she was getting frustrated with me.
Anyway – yes, Jenny was stuck in a jar and had been for a whole day. She didn’t know why she was stuck in the jar, she had just woken up there yesterday morning, and was still stuck here today morning.
“Is today morning even correct?” Said Jenny, smugly, intruding on my artistic license. For your information, Jenny, it is grammatically correct – I just googled it – so go back to tapping your foot or I’ll never read the bit where you get out of the jam jar.
Good. Now that she has stopped intruding on my story we can get on with it.
The cat (now probably quite bored after our little back and forth, but professionally waiting for its next turn in the story) stared deeply into the jar, wondering why its best member of staff was so tiny. Like a mouse. If the staff member couldn’t get him his catnip, then what use was she? He would just have to eat her instead.
“My cat wouldn’t do that to me! He loves me!”
Cats are rude, Jenny, they only like you cause you feed them.
The cat has furrowed its brow, rightly returning our attention to this absolute shamble of a story. Jenny sat cross legged on the bottom of the jar, rightly unhappy with her current situation. Any normal narrator maybe inclined to write a story about how she got in, or even how she escape and returned to normal. Maybe she could clap her heels together three times and say ‘there’s no place like home’ but everyone knows she had already tried that before our story began. Jenny was now blushing like a tomato, as she had thought it might work whilst I wasn’t looking.
Jenny was stuck in a jar. The sunlight floated in through the window
“Okay… Okay. I’m sorry Mister narrator, can you please narrate me out of this mess?”
See? That wasn’t so hard now was it. The cat began rocking the jar, very interested in getting the tiny staff member to fall out.
“No no! Stop Mr Snuggles!” Jenny cried out in terror, worried about what might happen if the jar smashed.
Fortunately, the Jar tipped over, rolled back and forth a little, but did not fall off the coffee table. Jenny thought it was some miracle, as by the very laws of physics the jar should have fallen off, but it didn’t, and Jenny was grateful.
“Thank god!” She shouted, a hint of annoyance in her voice. Whatever powers that be ignored the slight hint of anger, as they were obviously graceful and kind.
With an escape at the end of the jar now reachable, Jenny made her move.
“I’m not leaving the cat is right there!”
Oh. Right. I’ve written myself into a corner here haven’t I?
“Mmhm.” Jenny tapped her foot, rightfully vexed.
“Snuggles! Dinner!” Jenny’s Mother called from downstairs.
Distracted by the sound of food, the cat left her bedroom and ran downstairs to collect his dinner from one of the other staff members.
Thank you Jenny. Jenny climbed out of the jar, and down to the coffee table leg that had very conveniently placed scratches allowing her to latch on as she made her way down. Upon reaching the ground, she saw a tiny vial of juice that read ‘Drink me!’
“Oh. Alice in wonderland?”
Upon reaching the ground, Jenny saw a small syringe that read ‘Inject me!’
“Alice was good.”
Jenny picked up the vial of juice, popped the cork, and drank the lot. Her vision blurred, and she blacked out. Jenny awoke in her bed the next morning, normal sized, with Snuggles licking her face.
“See! He does love me!”
In a previous draft he ate you Jenny.
Thanks for reading everyone – next time my story won’t so broken up by its protagonist.
“You gave me a voice. In fact you wrote it to be like this so you can’t complain.”
I mean… You got me there Jenny. You got me there.
Jenny, was stuck in a tomato ketchup bottle. She had no idea how she ended up here-
“Oh come on!!!”